Featured Friend: Roger Daltrey

There are people I've met in life who strike me as folks who "get it." Getting it doesn't necessarily make these people smarter, more charismatic, funnier or successful, but grounded in what is most important in life and treating people well.

I originally met this week's featured friend while coaching Junior High basketball in 2001, and although I knew very little about him I could sense he "got it." Over time, Roger Daltrey (name changed to protect his anonymity...but not really) and I became close friends and I began to understand why he was so grounded. He and his family lost their first child to a brain tumor a few years before we met, a tragic event I could never wrap my head around. Yet Roger was always upbeat, gracious, and humble, when it would have been easy to hang his head and walk around with a chip on his shoulder.

His perspective and outlook has helped guide me through some of my own challenging moments, but our friendship isn't just a series of deep, philosophical discussions. He's a great guy to play pick up basketball with (he was the man behind the famous MJ pick up game), talk about music/movies, and he's got some great stories about his life that can make any meal entertaining. He is also the toughest competitor I know in just about anything; believe me when I say you'd much rather be playing with him than against him in anything.

We sat down for a few hours this past weekend to chat about just about everything...so here's the General (in abbreviated format).

Growing Up

City of Birth: Chicago, Edgewater Hospital

DOB: 4/20/61

Father’s Occupation: Attorney and later in life Sales

Mother’s Occupation: Teaching

What was the best thing about batting where you were in the birth order of your family?

Having an older sister made it easier, especially when I went to college. She was a more intense student and helped me focus, but I was a horrible student.

Favorite Meal Your Mom or Dad Cooked:

Dad: Meatloaf or Shrimp DeJonge

Mom: Lasagna or Beaf Stroggonof

High School: Niles North; Skokie, IL

Best friend before age 18: Mike Mike (name kept anonymous); we got to know each other in junior high. He was a little bit of everything; loyal, athletic, troublemaker, selfless and still is to this day.

How would you describe your group of friends? Jocks? Troublemakers?

Jocks and troublemakers, not so much in terms of trouble with the law but things like egging houses, getting in fights, that kinda stuff. Well one time, we egged a house of a coworker and they got my plates off my car which involved the cops. The cops came to my house and we had a story that somehow stacked up, but I didn’t tell my parents the truth about it until recently. That may have been the closest I ever got to getting in real trouble.

Fondest memory of your home growing up:

We lived in a split-level home and the family room was where we had a huge couch where the TV was. That was also the same couch I watched the Bears lose in Week 13 to the Dolphins during the '85 season.

Sport you wish you played in high school if you could do it over again:

Basketball. I didn’t really play until college and post college and I was really in to gymnastics growing up. I’d go to overnight camp for gymnastics up in Traverse City during summers and it was a 12 month commitment. I was strong on the rings and did really well leading up to the state finals, but wasn’t ready to go when it came to it.

Your Family

How, when, and where did you and your wife meet?

It was during our first semester freshman year at U of I and it was sometime in early October. She was wearing an SDT sweater but I had never seen her and she didn’t live in my dorm. I was doing a Psych project with my roommate at the library and she showed up and immediately we started talking for about an hour about anything. I turned to my roommate at that time and told him “I’m going to marry her.”

Our first date didn’t happen until Thanksgiving break a few weeks later, but she had a few other guys in the mix for a while and we even broke up at some point. We ran in to each other at a summer party a few months later and there was an immediate connection once again, we dated, then headed back to school only to break up again. The following summer we stayed in touch and eventually she reached back out to me and then we continued to date until getting engaged two years out of college. Maybe we should have waited a little bit longer, but ultimately got married on June 16, 1985.

You and I have been through our fair of “shit” which is probably part of why we relate well to each other. Some of our challenges related to health issues that were out of our control, which can be a frustrating experience. A lot of folks mentioned to me that “everything happens for a reason” to help me get through tough times, and it wasn’t until recently that I began thinking more about that statement. In your opinion, does everything happen for a reason?

My perspective (and our family's perspective) is that with every individual it is not whether or not they face adversity but when. It’s inevitable. There are two types of people; those who allow the adversity to define them and those who respond and handle the adversity. When Rory was diagnosed we knew he didn’t have a good chance to make it. We never had to explicitly say it, but we committed to living each day to its fullest.

One of our most memorable vacations was when we went to New York and stayed the weekend at the Plaza Hotel and did all the tourists shit. A buggy ride in Central Park, a ferry to the Statue of Liberty, Wall street, Serendipity, a Mets game, etc.

In terms of everything happening for a reason, I don’t agree with it. I think it’s a self fulfilling statement, and a way of justifying anything. I’m having lunch with you right now, is that a “reason”?

Rory’s death still makes no sense, and still fucking sucks. I’m still with it every day. He was a little bit like Romeo (oldest son, name changed), and Rory was the kind of kid who was always looking out for others. It was stuff you couldn’t teach, as well as a personality and curiosity that was amazing; especially with planets and astronomy. He loved gallileo, could tell you the flag of any country, and was a great “old soul.”

(Editor's Note: I never had a chance to meet Rory, but his spirit lives on as part of a Foundation set up to support research for other children with similar tumors. For those on Facebook, make sure to join the group by clicking here)

What is the best thing about raising a family in Highland Park?

Schools and the community. Despite all the shit people say about it, there is a ton of support for building a community which is indescrible.

What would you change to make Highland Park a better place for you and others in the town?

I joke with friends from Skokie or other places that sometimes folks in Highland Park aren’t grounded. I just wish folks judged each other by things other than address, car, or income and some of those things start at home, so I’m not sure what could be done about that.

What is your favorite thing to do as a family?

There’s a few, but my favorite thing is spending time with them in Florida. We are all together with no friends, no school, activities, just us. We spend time with movies, dinners, swimming, fishing, etc. Playing “Name the Movie” with the family in the hot tub is also hilarious…I’m really the inventor of “Scene It”, and if I were smart I would have created the game.

Give me your top breakfast, lunch, and dinner spots in or around Chicago that everyone should go to at least once in their life.

Breakfast: Jack’s Cozy Café in Kenosha is excellent. It’s a special place and a bit of a drive, but its great. Sarkis is also excellent.

Lunch: Superdawg

Dinner: Probably Gibson’s for the people watching factor

Education/Career

Why did you choose to attend Illinois? Were there other schools you applied to or considered? What did you study there?

I went to Illinois because my sister went there. I looked at Northen Illinois and Indiana, but I just went wherever. I studied Finance because I was an accounting major and I moved to finance.

Are you still close with any of the guys you were in a fraternity with?

I was a ZBT, but wasn’t really in to the whole thing, and haven’t stayed in touch with many of them. My best friends are the guys I knew from elementary school, high school, growing up. It’s a Skokie thing.

What is your fondest memory of your freshman year of college?

Meeting my wife.

How would you describe yourself as a student? Were you strong in math? English? Science? Shop?

I was strong at doing the least amount of work to get the greatest possible result. I took full advantage of being in college. I was a cheerleader, and I don’t readily admit to that because of the present connotations, but it was part of my gymnastics background and love of sports. I was on the field for Bear Bryant’s last game, got to meet John Wooden, I was in Salt Lake City to see Illinois-Kansas State, even Dean Smith, who I saw smoking in the tunnel pre game.

What do you remember most about your first year out of college, working as a trader?

I met a guy through softball who hired me as a runner for $99 a week for Chicago Grain at the Mercantile Exchange. Then became a phone clerk for First Options, and I went to the CBOT for ’85 and ’86 and came to a crossroads and gave myself six months to see how it played out. By April of 1987 it started to click but I was freaked out and intimidated at first on the floor. I had no idea what was going on, but really grew while I was at the Merc.

What do you miss the most since leaving the trading floor on a daily basis?

I miss the guys. I miss the competition. It was truly a “Kill or be Killed” environment. I never had ‘career defining’ days (good or bad) and had discipline to how I traded. But that took me a while. I was not the kind of guy to take breaks or go easy on it; I was addicted to the market and trading, which wasn’t always good. I would be on the phone while on vacations with kids in Disneyworld trading and looking back I think, “what the fuck was I doing?”

When Rory got sick, things changed and I instantly pulled back and got off the floor. I was in a position where I could spend every waking hour with him every day and it took me a while to get back on the floor but my outlook was never the same. I haven’t spent a day on the floor since January of 2002, I left the floor that day and have not been back since. And I never see myself going back.

People ask what the best decision I ever made, which was my understanding of how the industry changed with electronic trading and my decision to NOT try and replicate what I did on a computer.

What makes a good trader?

In my era it was competitiveness, intuition, and balls. While a lot of folks are spending time analyzing there is something to be said for a competitive spirit.

If you had to do it all over again and trading was NOT an option, what three professions could you see yourself doing?

1. Marketing/Sales in some capacity

2. Teaching

3. Banking

As someone who lived and breathed financial services, were you surprised by how quickly the country fell in to its current economic state?

I did have some concerns about some of the funds that involved some intricate tactics. But none of us probably saw all of this happening. My sister drilled in to me at a very young age the importance of having a mindset of having a conservative fashion, especially when it came to taxes and my own finances.

What advice will you give your eldest son when it comes time to decide on a career path?

I’m going to tell him to follow his heart. We will direct him educationally in terms of the importance of furthering his education, but its up to him and his passion. I might see him teaching or coaching on some way, just because of how the younger kids greet and respond to him. He’s a natural with young kids that there’s no reason to think that won’t continue as he gets older.

Entertainment

You and your wife watch almost as many movies as my mom. Name three movies you’ve seen in the past year that everyone should see:

1 In Bruges

2 Tell No One

3 Religulous

Who would play you if they made a movie of your life?

James Caan resembled me in my earlier more intense days. (Editor’s Note: Jeremy Piven would be my choice)

What was your first rock show? Where was it at?

1977 at the Ampitheater it was Rick Derringer opening for Kansas. I was about 15 years old and it was my first time exposed to people getting stoned/smoking pot.

What band do you wish you had seen in concert but never had the chance?

The Who with Keith Moon on the drums. The Beatles would be cool, but that’d be more of a notch in the belt. The Band is another one, especially after seeing the last Waltz 4,000 times.

What is your favorite venue for a concert in the Chicago area?

Depends who we’re seeing, but I like so many places. One of the best Chicago experience shows was in ’95 or ’94 seeing Joe Grisheky and the house rockers at the Park West and Bruce Springsteen showed up.

Give me three artists/albums/songs you’ve purchased on iTunes within the past year.

I still try to support my friend who owns a record store so I still like to buy the actual CD. Jackson Browne’s new release, Springsteen’s Working on a Dream, and Pete Yorn’s new one.

Sports

If I gave you a $10,000 gift certificate for tickets to any sporting event(s), what would you choose? Why?

The Masters would probably be one. The British Open. Wimbeldon. The Olympics.

You’re a huge fan of Duke Basketball and have a strong relationship with Coach K. Describe what makes him such a strong leader on the court. What about off the court?

On the court: beyond pure Xs and Ox its his ability to recognize and deal with his individuals strengths; to enhance and bring out the best in them individually and collectively.

Off the floor: probably the same kinds of things, but his honesty, loyalty and integrity are greater than anyone I’ve ever met.

We coached 11 and 12 year old kids together for about three years, without a ton of wins. Why do you think we were so unsuccessful?

Bad players

It has been a while but what was my biggest strength as a coach?

Wit, a good knowledge of the game

What could I have been better at?

Getting in to it with opposing coaches.

You’re closely involved with High School basketball as an assistant coach and have seen some great players. Who is the best high school player you have coached against? What made him so great?

Hands down Jon Scheyer is the best I’ve coached against. His talents are obvious, but his intangibles like instinct, court sense, will make him tough to compete against.

You were the man behind the MJ pick up game, which I recently wrote about. What is your favorite memory of that evening?

Walking in to the gym and seeing the looks on yours and Ben’s faces, and Ben saying, “is that who I think it is?” And for a random Tuesday night pickup game, it was great seeing his competitive juices come out.

You give me lots of shit about my love for DePaul basketball, which is completely justified given how awful they have been. But if you were asked to provide advice on returning the program to relevance, what would be your suggestion(s)?

I’d say tapping in to the local talent.

We both watched the Bulls dominate in the 90’s, which was a dream for a basketball nut. Describe for me the most memorable game you were present for during one of the bulls championship runs? Why was it so memorable?

I think it was Game 2 of the ’98 playoffs I was on the floor with Rory and we watched the bulls hold down Utah to like 60 points.

You also sat on the floor at the United Center, just a few rows in front of where my dad has his tickets. Who was the most entertaining player to chat with while sitting on the floor? Did you ever get the impulse to coach from your seat like you do when you’re on the bench?

Iverson. Partially because I knew him, but he was always entertaining. Reggie Miller was funny as well. I coach a lot though, I’m calling out screens, talking to officials, etc. And I have/had a good relationships with a lot of them, Joey Crawford, Steve Javie, and Danny Crawford all were willing to chat and talk about calls.

List your dream starting 5 of current NBA players.

PG: Chris Paul

SG LeBron

SF Kobe
PF Dwight Howard

C: Chris Bosh or Carmelo. I know they aren’t true 5’s but we’ll figure it out.

List your dream starting 5 of all time.

PG Magc

SG MJ

SF: Dr J

PF: Bird

C: Walton

We’re both Cub fans, whether we like it or not and that means we’ve had our fair share of gut wrenching losses. Does it get easier with age to handle the losing?

No, it doesn’t get easier. My theory on the Cubs is it has become a culture of losing and Wrigley Field has become more of a destination than the team. Win or Lose, everyone is at Wrigley having a great time and people don’t seem to care as much. Fans demand a winner elsewhere, and we need to demand the same thing here. I’d love to see people stop going.

What is your favorite part of Wrigley from a visual or experiential standpoint?

I used to love the ivy without ads, but mostly it’s the beauty and proximity of seats relative to the field.

Completing marathons has to be a great feeling, and you’ve been handed shitty weather each time you ran in Chicago. Weather aside, what was the best moment for you running in your marathon(s)?

The training was great with my wife and best friends. I’m still waiting to complete one without having an injury or crawling to the finish line.